Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Caster Gone?
by Katty MasterofViolence
Summary: And other short blurbs. Apologies in advance for any spelling/grammatical errors. r/r!
1. Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Caster Gone?

[insert standard disclaimer here]  
  
Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Caster Gone?  
by Katty-sama*Immortal aka Katty or Kattysama oh whatever --;;  
  
~*~  
  
Gene rummaged furiously throughout Starwind and Hawking Enterprises, looking literally beneath every "rock" and in every one of the numerous cracks in the walls.  
  
Jim, stumbling into this tornado of Genes rushing in a whirlwind of chaos, spinning here and there, and back again, just stood there and stared. It had been quite a long time since he'd seen his beloved yet lazy "aniki" move this much. The only time he could recall him running so fast before was when he was running away from an extremely angry ex... "Uh, Gene, are you okay?"  
  
Gene started, having not noticed a spectator until now. Stopping his frantic searching, dashing to his little partner, and grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, he panted breathlessly, "Where is..it?! I... can't... find it... my precioussss (A/N-hehe lotr)...." Jim could see his aniki's eyes were bloodshot and unfocused. "Are you drunk?"  
  
"NO! My PRECIOUS IS GONE!!!!!"  
  
Apparently so. Jim became disturbed, and was trying to loosen Gene's grip on him while trying to get through to his unbalanced self. "What the hell have you been smoking man? Did we run out of coffee?"  
  
"My preciousss..." The outlaw shook Jim roughly. "WHERE IS IT?!"  
  
"Wha--what?! Where is what?!"  
  
"My..my..What have you done with it? What...Did....You...DO?!"  
  
"What the hell are you talking about, Gene?!"  
  
"My caster is GONE! GONE!!!" Gene slumped to the ground, sobbing hysterically, and dropping Jim to the ground with a thump. "My precious, precious caster is gone...I dont' know what I'd do without it...ohhh!"  
  
Jim was patting Gene akwardly and at a distance when Aisha barged in. "Mrow! I'm starving! Good thing I was able to get money to buy food for us by selling---"  
  
Gene dashed to Aisha and slammed her against the wall, forming another crack, thus making the building shudder and creak violently, threatening to telescope down onto its inhabitants. "MY CASTER! You SOLD it?! How COULD you?!?!?" Gene, with blood on his mind, reached for his caster's holster, temporarily forgetting what he was looking for in the first place, aaaand... "Shit. Damn! ARGH!!!"  
  
Aisha stuttered, "I..I didn't sell your caster, Gene!"  
  
"Then what DID you sell,hm, that would get you all this wong, hm?" Gene growled.  
  
"Um...I...I sold...um..."  
  
"My sword!" Suzuka darted into the room, spotted Aisha, shoved Gene aside, and grabbed the Ctarl-Ctarl in turn. "You didn't sell it, did you?" There was a dangerous gleam in her coal black eyes.  
  
"I...um...I mean, I didn't sell it, really! I sold the...uh..."  
  
Jim, who had left to go do something, ran back, screaming, "MY COMPUTER! IT'S GONE, NO! I CAN'T FIND IT ANYWHERE!"  
  
Aisha grinned sheepishly. "Heh..well, Jimmy, we could always get you a new one..."  
  
"How?! You spent all the stupid wong on stupid food!"  
  
"Raid the pawnshop? Come on, Jimmy, it'll be okay.."  
  
"What's going on? I heard shouting.." Melfina wakled into the room and blinked innocently.  
  
"My sword has disappeared."  
  
"Aisha sold my computer to get food! Who the hell sells a computer for food?!"  
  
"Mrow! It was a desperate situation!"  
  
"NO IT WASN'T!"  
  
Melfina looked at Gene, who was staring dejectedly at the floor. "What about you, Gene?"  
  
"Caster...gone..."  
  
Melfina looked relieved. "Oh.. that's all? Well, it's here," she pulled the caster out of her pocket, "You forgot it in my lingerie drawer..."  
  
Gene gasped. "My caster!" He ran to it, snatched it from his girlfriend's hand, and hugged it to him, crooning, "My precious...I'll never let you go.."  
  
Melfina glared at him, briefly losing her innocence. "What about me? LAst night, you said I was your precious, and that I was the best lay you ever---"  
  
"Mel! That's private stuff!!!"  
  
"Hmph!"  
  
The door fell, detached from its hinges. The silohuettes (A/N-however you spell that) of the McDougal brothers stepped in and grinned maniacally.   
  
Gene whirled and whipped his caster out, thankful that he had it in his hands once again. "What are you doing here?!"  
  
Ron smirked. "Relax, outlaw idiot, I only came to return something that would probably be sorely missed." Sure enough, he pulled out Suzuka's wooden blade and handed it to the assassin.  
  
Suzuka blushed slightly and looked away, curling her hair with her finger. "Thank you, Ron.."  
  
"Mrow?" Aisha looked surprised, then grinned devishly. "Hey, Suzu, how'd he get your sword, hmm?"  
  
"Go away."  
  
"Mrowwww...no."  
  
"And don't call me Suzu." Suzuka glared at the cat woman.  
  
"So THAT's where you wen't last night. I was wondering.."  
  
"Aisha.." There was definetely a threatening tone in her voice now.  
  
"Okay, Okay, yeesh..." Yet another grin. "Is he any good, Suzu?"  
  
"Aisha!" Suzuka leaped upon the Ctarl-Ctarl, brandishing her sword and forcing a strangled howl from her foe.  
  
Ron and Harry looked at each other, shrugged, and proceeded to exit the place as fast as they could so they wouldn't get caught in the middle of the chaos.   
  
The door closed, and all became silent again. Well, actually--  
  
"AISHA! MY COMPUTER!"  
  
"Oh shit.."  
  
Outside Starwind and Hawking Enterprises-and for about a two mile radius-passersby stopped to stare at the violently shaking building, and then walking hurriedly past it, and far far away, lest it fall upon them; it certainly seemed as if it would collapse any moment. For a whole 5 mile radius, people heard much screaming, and---  
  
"MMMMRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
~*~  
  
So, didja like? Kinda weak ending, but who cares. r/r! 


	2. Ketchup, Liquor, 'n' Rubber Buns

Hey, thanks Andross! :D It's been a long time since I got any reviews... probably since I haven't written anything in a while. o_O ANYWAY.  
  
Cuz you asked for it, and cuz I'm quasi-bored and just came up with a new idea, here's 'more'!  
  
standard disclaimers apply  
  
Ketchup, Liquor, 'n' Rubber Buns  
by Katty, TMOV  
  
~*~  
  
"Hey, Jim, I need you to see how much it will cost to upgrade my.. uh.." Gene's happy-go-lucky voice trailed off as he peeked at his aniki's crestfallen face. "Uh.. Jim?"  
  
"I'll bet you mean to check on the cost of an upgrade on your precious caster, am I right?" Jim half-heartedly glared at him.  
  
"Well, yes.."  
  
"But that would mean I'd have to check on the net, wouldn't it?" Jim was working himself into a rage, and Gene gulped, knowing what he had provoked (he'd done it about fifteen-billion times by now), and that it was too late to stop the explosion. "But waiiiit a minute, Gene dearest,"Jim ranted, "Doesn't going on the net require a machine? What's that machine called, Gene, hmMm???"  
  
Gene, who had shrunk to the far, far corner of the room, groaned. "A compu--"  
  
"Thaaaat's RIGHT!" Jim howled. "I need a COMPUTER to access the internet! But wait a minute, Gene, what's the problem with that, hmMm???"  
  
Gene cradled his head in his hands. "You don't ha--"  
  
"RIGHT AGAIN, ANIKI!" He screamed, eyes glowing with a mixture of pain and anger. "I SEEM TO HAVE MISPLACED MY COMPUTER! Or, rather--"  
  
"Aisha misplaced your computer for you," Gene finished miserably for him.  
  
"RIGHT! Which is why I have to kill her. Where is she, anyway?! I--I--Let go, Gene--Must--Kill--"  
  
Gene, not-so-straining to keep a hold of Jim's coat collar, merely stated, "Aisha's out--which is smart of her, for once. Somewhere. And you aren't going after her."  
  
"Gene?" Melfina peeked cautiously into the room. "I heard something.. And you're late." She emerged from behind the wall, clothed in... well... lots of air, and a little bit of cotton. "What are you doing that's so much more important than me?" She pouted.  
  
Gene, having sprouted a rather big fangy grin, let go of Jim, who promptly sped out of the ditch he had worn in the floor trying to get away and out the door. He advanced on the bare naked android, in a trance-like state. "Saaay, Melfina, where's Suzuka?"  
  
"What?" Melfina blinked her shiny brown eyes. "I think she went out..."  
  
"Reallly, now?" Gene's grin became wider, and more fangy (A/N- any of you guys seen Hellsing? You know Alucard when he grins? Yeah. Like that. :3). "That means we got the house all to ourselves..."  
  
"Yes.." Melfina trailed off, not really getting what he was implying.  
  
Or at least playing innocent little android, like she always is.  
  
"Let me ask you something, Mel: What do you do when you meet a cute sexy android running around, all alone?"  
  
"Uh, what?"  
  
"KETCHUP, LIQUOR, AND RUBBER BUNS!" (A/N-if you haven't heard this when you were in elementary school, where have you been? homeschooled? ah well.) Gene growled, and gave chase.  
  
"Gene! Aaa--AAAH!" Shrieks of laughter were heard coming from Gene's bedroom, and passersby outside were greeted with the sound of a headboard banging violently against the wall...  
  
It's a wonder the building hasn't collapsed or imploded, with all its been through...  
  
Anyway, speaking of Liquor...  
  
~*~  
  
"*Hic* Sho, anyway, doc," slurred a very intoxicated Aisha to the bored bartender, "Thish little dood, Jiim, he'sh all mad at me 'caussh I sold his precioussh computer ferr some *hic* foood... You know?"  
  
The bartender merely quirked an eyebrow at her, uninterested, and began to wonder whether his earplugs had an expiration date.  
  
*BAM*  
  
"AISHA!!!"  
  
"Ooh *hic*, look, here he isshh *hic* now! Heyyyy, Jimmmy!"  
  
"GET MY COMPUTER BACK!"  
  
"MREAOOWWW!!!" Even intoxicated, Ctarl-Ctarls can sprint in a straight line, given the right incentive. And so she sprinted, with Jim hot on her trail, towards the vibrating (yes, vibrating) Starwind and Hawking Enterprises.  
  
~*~  
  
*BAM*  
  
"Jiiimmy, Come'on *hic* Don't be shoo senshitiive..WAH!"  
  
There lay Gene and Melfina, both wearing nothing, on the couch, with their clothes strewn all over the furniture (and even on the ceiling fan..).  
  
Jim raced in shortly after, and gawked, nose bleeding, blushing a fierce *ketchup* red.  
  
Aisha looked from Jim to Gene and Melfina, and back again, then grinned drunkishly. "Ooh, *hic* Jiimmy wants tuu *hic* frick'er tooo..."  
  
"AISHA! WHY YOU--"  
  
"MREAOW!!"  
  
"You know," Gene muttered to Melfina, wrapping them both up in a blanket, "It's a good thing Suzuka's not here..."  
  
"And why would that be, Gene Starwind---Ahh!" Suzuka shielded her eyes and backed quickly out the door again. "I'll come back later, I forgot something at Ron--I mean, somewhere.."  
  
Melfina quietly wondered what she ever did that made her deserve this, but then Gene led her into his bedroom yet once more.  
  
"Geene! We've done this eighteen times already today--OOH! AAaahaha..."  
  
~*~  
  
*is in a slightly more frisky mood* If you can call it that. This was just a spur of the moment thing. Done in five minutes. Hope you don't mind. Ah well.  
  
Reviews appreciated. Flames too. Go ahead! I just wanna see an increase in reviews the next time I log on.  
  
-Katty, the one and only (T)MOV 


End file.
